Feb. 15th, 2005 09:50 pm
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Tonight I gave a friend Directions. He wanted to walk through the park to a special spot I once took him to. He told me it was one of his favorite places. I felt honored to have introduced him to a place that touched him so much, and I felt obliged to tell him how to get there. After all, I shared it with him once, who am I to say he can't go again. So I told him the right turns to take on the rather long walk through Cherokee park.

But I felt a sense of loss, giving him those directions. A little part of me left with that, the part of me that revels in the idea of taking only the most special people in my life to that spot. Holding their hand and guiding them through the dark woods, silently willing them to understand that it's ok, I'm not crazy, I know exactly where I'm going. Hearing them gasp when they emerge from the trees and see the bright streams of red and white lights flowing beneath them. Part of me revels in the fact that even though I'm nothing spectacular, with cherokee park and I-64 I can provide someone with a memory, something special, an evening that they might never forget.

Now one more person knows how to get there. Maybe he'll take someone special in his life there, share with them everything he sees in the place. Maybe someone else will sit on the low wall, facing the traffic, legs dangling over the edge. And maybe he'll pull someone else back, telling them he's afraid they will fall.

I'm hopeful as always that I'll get another chance to share my secret with someone special. And maybe the next evening I spend against the cliff wall, talking in quiet voices despite the sound of cars and 18-wheelers, will lead to something much more significant.

But for now I feel slightly faded.
onedayleft: (Default)
So there's this thing
Called girl code
You know
If your friend likes a guy
But he likes you
You can't go out with him
That kinda thing
Yeah well
Girl code

(I'm not gonna pretend that was creative or cool, but since this is my writing journal, I thought I'd make it look like a poem)
onedayleft: (Default)
When I was younger my brother's friends came over to play, and I wanted to play with them. I'd set up scavenger hunts and they'd ignore my clues. They'd play transformers instead. I'm run to my room and pull out my only transformer, a little orange sedan that was easy for me to switch into a robot. I'd go back smiling to play with them. They'd take their big plastic robots and kick mine. "Look, you're dead, you have to go away now." Reluctantly I'd leave his blue room and retire to my pink one. I'd crawl under my bed and turn on my old-school stereo and listen to the London recording of Cats on my dusty record player. I'd dance around and look out of the window and declare myself satisfied. I'd hear them rush down the stairs and I'd follow them, the record player still playing. The neighborhood boys would meet up outside and run down to the park, knowing that I had to go with them. Skipping the playground we all clambered up the hill to the old orchard, where the boys could all fit into the fork of the biggest tree in the park. But I was shorter, and they refused to help, so I sat on the ground. In my 5 years of living there, I don't think I ever made it into that tree.
onedayleft: (Default)
Will it ever be this close again?
With a wide river and broken hearts
I sorely doubt
There's so much beauty in him
So much pain too, he brings it out in me
Who knew my favorite state would change?
"What motivates you?" a boy asks
"Indiana" I reply
"That's not an answer" he says
"That's all I have"
Lonely while most loved
Who knew my state of mind would change?
My home, mi amor
These pavements are pounding my heart
I want fall leaves and warm hands
I don't need this city
These lonely faces and searching eyes
Is 35 minutes and a tank of gas too much to pay?
Who knew my euphoric state would change?

Happy Days

Jan. 23rd, 2005 02:50 am
onedayleft: (Default)
part of a song I wrote in the summer of 2001, about the guitarist in my "band"
It just makes me smile

So Baby can't you see
It's as plain as day
Later when it's you and me
I'll be sure to say
That I'd like to kill you nice and slow
So I'd have time to tell
Because I want you to know
I'll love you till you go to hell
onedayleft: (my own sword)
(this is an old one, written by 14 year old me. Oh yeah!)

I can look into your eyes at night
It's dark but I don't care
It's better now, calmer, less frightening
And your eyes seem to glow in the starlight
You're beautiful now
Now that I cant see you you're more beautiful than ever
Because I know you now
I can feel your heart beating
And I know that you care for me
In the gentle way your arms fall
I'll never have a care in the world
As long as we have these nights together
For we're few and far between
The lost romantics
Sharing love that no one else understands
And enjoying life
Even though we know the world hurts us
It's ok to be afraid
Because we know what it's like
onedayleft: (Default)
Please excuse my distraction
There's a name
And I'm staring
Staring, bleary eyed
And it's only a name

Imagine my dismay
When it's more than a name

Please excuse my distraction
But I'm staring
Staring at my shoelaces
Starting at the bookcase
Staring at the crack in the woodwork
onedayleft: (Default)
If I blowdry my hair right
Right now
Will you notice me?
The red's fading
And It lacks luster
But if I blowdry it just right
Will you notice me?

If I buy new eyeshadow
soft pink
Will you notice me
My eyes aren't as green as I'd like
I fake it
But if I set them off
With just the right soft pink
Will you notice me?


Nov. 30th, 2004 10:11 pm
onedayleft: (Default)
(this one is from, obviously, when I was 15. Some of it is laughable, some of it is still true. All of it reflects past truths)

Drawing her tombstone at age 15
She's worse off than you think
She's not your cute little girl anymore
But only she knows that she's jaded
Her one true love has been Whispered away
And she knows you shunned him anyway
So she's clinging to rebellion
And her bruised knuckles are turning white
The boys she sees have halos and wings
Where the rest of us see horns
And she's screaming out for help and love
But no one listens anyway
Because she manages to smile through appocolypse
And so you all think she's fine
But the makeup is just to cover dark tears
From the liner that makes her eyes dance
We see just what she wants us to
But she's screaming on the inside
Becuase no one notices her tears
That she's spent her whole life hiding


Nov. 30th, 2004 10:08 pm
onedayleft: (Default)
(another oldie)

The crowded street, I'm all alone
I walk in stride to find someone I know
The evening air and smell of rain I'm encompassed yet abandoned
But something catches my eye and I turn
Green eyes seem to catch mine, only to flicker away
And inside I churn with the pain of a thousand knives
The air is moist and strangely so are my eyes
A sound is calling I only just hear
I walk through the crowd, this time not alone
But there they are, green eyes glimpsing mine
Noise takes over my senses
The air smells now of adrenaline and rush
A simple smile meets my lips, I almost forget, but then there they are
A slight glimpse from the deepest eyes.
Can I ever forget?
A rush of cheers, a crowded room
In the action of the moment my soul flies with the sound of music
But I look through the crowd and there they are
The green eyes, the beautiful face, an air of pleasure in the smile
But the eyes are searching and eventually they meet mine...
And stare right through.
I can never forget.


Nov. 30th, 2004 09:56 pm
onedayleft: (Default)
I don't know this
I don't know what this is
But my arm is shaking
And my chest hurts
And I'm not making this out to be love

I might know this
This might be fear and regret
Memories of other times
Things I said I'd forget
But my body remembers

I know this
This is every night alone
This is every blurry eyes fight
This is letters, phone calls
This is everything I ever worked against
onedayleft: (Default)
I am a decently big fan of the new layout in this journal. Check it out, yo. The icon doesn't quite match, but it's a flower fairy, so there.
onedayleft: (Default)
It's like this
These days you're on my mind
Along with spiderwebs
Skeletons and ghouls
Black cats and pumpkins
So I pull up the covers
Burying into my pillow
And pray to God
"Keep me safe"

There are a lot of ghosts
And a lot of corners
Deep dark places
To hide during the day
But it's like this
At night I curl up my legs
I squeeze my eyes closed
Slow my breathing
And I pray to god
"Keep me safe"
onedayleft: (Default)
I need to buy the new Hey Mercedes. What do you kids think, CD or Vinyl. Given Vinyl is cheaper, but it is not portable so I could only rock out in my own little corner of the world. what I dilemma. If this is on the top of my list of things to worry about, I'd say today is a day when things are going rather well.
onedayleft: (Default)
I had a hamster. She was cute. She is gone. QUE TRSITE!
onedayleft: (Default)
ok, so
this is a journal
it is new
i am messing with style
doot doot
onedayleft: (Default)
hello hello hello


onedayleft: (Default)

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